06.09.08 - 11:21

Following the theme in my head of chaos, darkness, general discontent... I am not parenting at all right now. Yesterday the TV was on so much that the Prince got bored- Bored! I'm sorry about it, and I have plans for change, but I'm not inspired. I could blame it on the RNC (all those pasty blowhards negating the beautiful rhetoric of the previous week), or the weather, but I have had bright moments recently, so I think it's ennui. Xtreme ennui.

I'm also really really bummed right now. I probably just need to get Over It already, and am feeling embarrassed and anxious that it's still bothering me, but. My best friend from high school won't speak to me. We haven't spoken for years, we never do, I always count on our being able to pick up where we left off. I'm fairly certain it's nothing to do with me, yet remains that chance, maybe I did push her away. Maybe she just doesn't want to talk.

I start going around about all the times I blew her off or ignored her feelings, the ways I was selfish. Thoughtless. Uninteresting. Thing is, I'm still that person. I don't know much about anything, rarely do I take anything seriously. Sometimes I think about doing nice things for people but I don't follow through. I don't want to be my friend right now, but I'd like for her to. I hate breaking up anyway. Although I've used it many times, I don't think I can handle hearing "I'm just not that into you". Maybe I need to.
I haven't decided what to do about it yet.

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